It’s coming up for a year since I last attended counselling. I needed to take a breather to consider all the content from talking - I’m a very slow burn.  

A year on, I have yet to implement the change that she suggested. I could clearly see where she was coming from, but I didn’t feel ready and I was scared. And so I did what I’m exceptionally good at, I disappeared in a little cartoon sparkly ‘poof’ and said I needed time to think.

Today I realised that I am repeating the patterns we talked about. And I still don’t feel ready to make the change she suggested. That makes me want to feel like a failure. But I’m going to choose to think differently about this (being kind to self). And something that helps me see it differently is this poem by Portia Nelson. I’m sure we’ve all come across it before but it’s always good to read afresh and gain perspective. I wonder which verse you’d place yourself in.

I hope it helps you too.

Love from 

The room above the garage

A Moodscope member

There’s a hole in my sidewalk

by Portia Nelson

“I walk down the street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I fall in

I am lost, I am helpless

It isn't my fault

It takes forever to find a way out

I walk down the same street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I pretend I don't see it

I fall in again

I can't believe I am in the same place

But it isn't my fault

It still takes me a long time to get out

I walk down the same street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I see it is there

I still fall in. It's a habit

My eyes are open

I know where I am

It is my fault. I get out immediately

I walk down the same street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I walk around it

I walk down another street.”