I find myself in a situation I thought I'd never be in. Living alone having left my husband of 20 years. I moved out of the family home last year and only now really finding my feet.

For most of my marriage I was depressed, triggered by the sudden death of my father 2 years in. Panic, anxiety and depression all set in soon after, I was worried about myself.

After numerous good and bad phases, in and out of jobs and looking after my family best I could, it finally hit me that I should never have married the person I did. I saw various doctors, counsellors, psychiatrists over the years who all had the same opinion - I needed out of my marriage. My husband made my decision easy in the end, I couldn't take any more criticism, put downs, no support. His drinking was out of control and behaviour, well say no more... I figured it's him or me and I chose me!!

So I'm going it alone. I rent a flat, have a job I enjoy and have been in for a year now. It's been far from easy so depression is still lingering but I'm dealing with that and I'm starting to actually feel some happiness. Something I've not felt in a long time. So much so, that I have booked a holiday on my own for a week. I'm a bit nervous must say, but I seem to enjoy being by myself for now - I've found that I love peace and quiet but also have the ability to meet people and make new friends - something my husband always said I was incapable of.

I don't think that I'll be on my own for ever but for now it's what I want and need. It feels strange putting myself first now but it's definitely something I'm getting used to.

It's not been an easy road and it's far from over but I'm getting there a day at a time.

Take care,

El x

A Moodscope member.