"The most powerful agent of growth and transformation is something much more basic than any technique: it is a change of heart." John Welwood.

Last week I took a risk to write in a deeper way about forgiveness, using my own background to ensure that the authenticity was 'felt'. (http://moodscope.blogspot.fr/2014/05/to-be-strong-is-to-forgive.html)

What resulted was for me a rich response where people responded by offering their own feelings and challenges.

There is no doubt we all struggle in some ways to deal with emotional challenges, and for me at the moment with the depressive door opening again, what do I write and say?

I often start with a quote and the one above 'feels' right following last week, when I talked about the challenge of forgiveness of others and some of the comments quite rightly pointed out that the start of that can often be forgiving ourselves.

There were also some comments about the difficulty in forgiving someone who has been, in our eyes, bad to us. If you remember, when depressed, I called my father to tell him I loved him and thus to forgive him all his 'wrongs' from his violent and alcoholic past. What changed was, in feeling my own frailty - rather than more of my ego where he was wrong and I was right- I had a change of heart.

I will often say that the only person you can change is yourself. Now, that can mean that you move away from someone which may be the right thing to do, as much as a move towards someone or something. The key is that you cannot expect anyone else to change unless you do - even if you think or even legally know you are 'right'.

Solutions are created by a coming together and if you wish any situation to change and have the courage to act on that wish, you will 'move' first. The key is, as the quote states, a change of heart.

With a change of heart comes a different 'spirit' and even although you may be saying similar things, the spirit in which you say it alters, most likely to seek a solution, rather than proving yourself right and even someone else wrong. We all know that it is not what people say that we remember, but how they made us feel!

Feelings(EQ) are way more important than facts(IQ), so no point in 'proving' you are right, if you are seeking an alignment. The most important aspect of what you are saying is the 'intent' not the content.

How can you look into your heart to achieve a more harmonised outcome for some of the challenges you face? Or, how can you find the strength to leave/move away from and to forgive your own previous mistakes?

Les

A Moodscope member.