The trouble with working late in the evening is that I cannot get to sleep easily at the normal time. I come home from work at 10.30pm, eat something, have a cup of herbal tea, read for a while and finally switch the light off at long past midnight. Then my day starts at 6am and I feel tired.

I have plantar fasciitis (inflammation of the tendon running from the ball of the foot to the heel, over the arch of the foot), so that is causing me a lot of pain right now – not helped by being on my feet for the six hours of my shift at Sainsburys. I really don’t feel up to the ten mile walks my husband and I used to take most Saturdays.

I’ve given up swimming since the local pool closed and so no longer have even that, and I’m conscious that my diet is not the best.

So, the active card tends not to score very highly at present.

I know that I am very lucky in comparison to a lot of you. I know that many of you struggle with infirmities and disabilities that make any kind of exercise difficult, so I’m not complaining – I’m just stating facts. I feel bad about not feeling full of energy and know that a lot of it is my own fault.

It annoys me, however, when well meaning people prescribe “a good long walk in the fresh air” as a cure for depression. When I see “studies” quoted that say that exercise is as effective as medication in treating depression, I fume. That’s not my experience at all. When at the bottom of my cycle, I can barely get off the sofa to visit the bathroom. I certainly can’t go for a “nice brisk walk.”

Yesterday, I did feel full of energy. I’d had a good night’s sleep and so was able to be more active. I did the grocery shopping, washed my car, did the ironing and weeded one of the flower beds. Only one flower bed, but that’s four weeded so far, and six to go.

What gives you energy? Is it a good night’s sleep – and do you ever get one? Is it going for a walk along the beach, or swimming – whether in cold water or the swimming pool? Is it eating well?

I think, when our brain is dealing with depression, or grief, or great stress of any kind, one of the things it switches off is physical and mental energy – it goes into survival mode. CMM wrote yesterday about “stopping,” and I think that is what we sometimes do when life is more than we can cope with. Of course we don’t have energy for anything, our system is in survival mode.

So, if you don’t feel very active at present, don’t beat yourself up; you may be just coping with things. When life gets better, your energy will return. Or, at least, let’s hope so.

Mary

A Moodscope member