We all live in a wonderful land. Sometimes, what happens is less than wonderful but the potential is always there for wonder. Our biggest and most prevalent wonder is:
I wonder what this means?
Humankind's quest for meaning haunts us every day. We may go deep and seek the very meaning of life itself, or we may just try to get through the day wondering what the meaning is behind the actions and words of our colleagues, customers, friends, and family. We may even question the meaning behind our own actions as in,
Why did I do that? What was I thinking?!
Our answer to, "I wonder what this means?" can easily lead to the positive adventure of Alice in Wonderland, or it can just as easily lead to the nightmare of Malice in Wonderland. This was brought home to me recently when a third-party informed me of how a
friend had allegedly criticised me behind my back. I had no evidence - just what the third party had shared. The 'witness' was a credible one, as was the criticism, so I began to wonder...
On this occasion I chose Malice in Wonderland. I was hurt, offended, and I lashed out. A better path to choose would have been one where I either ignored the unsubstantiated report, or spoke directly with the alleged critic, or even better, asked a better question. This one:
"What else could this mean?"
As soon as we ask, "What else could this mean?" we open the door (or the looking glass) to Wonderland. It is the question of the philosopher and the scientist - that leads to deep discoveries, but it is also the question of the expert in relationships. By settling
on not one but multiple meanings, we can soften the blow of Malice.
When a loved one says or does something that grates against our emotions, asking this magical question can help us think twice, or multiple times before jumping to conclusions and making harmful assumptions. It can give us pause for thought, and even help us
Whether my friend criticised me behind my back or not, I know he has my well-being at heart. Who hasn't ever said something about someone else behind their back? Isn't gossip the tastiest delicacy - especially in delicate matters? Asking instead, "What else could this mean?" could well save a friendship, avoid conflict, and open positive possibilities to rival Alice's Adventures in Wonderland!
If you're having a tough time at the moment, it may not mean that the Universe is out to get you! Ask yourself, "What else could this mean?" and let healing thoughts flow bringing comfort.
A Moodscope member.
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