I have noticed in the last few years than when my family give me an observation, I read criticism, and I give feed back - they say I am being defensive.

I find this curious that standing up for what I consider is unfair and negative, feedback is seen as being defensive which I learnt is not a good thing. I Googled defensive and it seems I missed the memo about how bad it is to be defensive.

Defensiveness is defined as an impulse. Apparently to be defensive is seen to reply with controlling attitude.

What if one is responding to an unfair accusation, an untrue comment? Does that mean the person giving the comment, accusation can say what they ever like because if you dare to reply one is seen as sensitive, overprotective, and of course defensive.

I am sure people reading this are saying Leah is sounding very defensive but maybe I am. I see defensive as standing up for my opinions, not as a psychological flaw.

If the person who tells me something negative in the first place can do that, don’t I have the right of reply in the second place? I find as soon as one gives a reply to criticism that is seen as negative and not healthy, they are labelled.

I have been very honest here and maybe I am the only one who takes offence at being called defensive.

I would like your help.

How do you define being defensive? Have you ever been called that? If so, does it upset you? Do you call others defensive and if so, why do you find their comments unhelpful?

Leah

A Moodscope member.