I am on a mission to train my brain to ask for things only once and if I don't get the desired result; walk away without a backward glance. Whether it is a job, an effort toward a friendship, or what have you, I won't ask twice. 

What is meant to be will be without a lot of cajoling, begging, pleading, trying again...etc. And I won't even ask for a romance. After 31 years of dating and/or involvement in between singledom, as I call it, I have decided there is that which I won't ask for at all. 

This revelation came to me after about a year of bad experiences and the common theme was my struggling to force events/relationships/things that were just not working.

A country song by Kenny Rogers called "The Gambler," has the line; “You gotta know when to hold'em, know when to fold'em, know when to walk away and know when to run." Well, thanks to the effects of  CPTSD which heartily messes with the ability to know when to fly, freeze, or fight, I have devised this one strike rule.

That new adage, however, does not cover situations where the wrong friendship or opportunity approaches me. So I will pay attention to how I feel. Not that feelings are the be all/end all - trapped gas is technically a feeling before flatulence!

However, feelings do indicate when something is wrong. Instinct has to do with feelings. If someone causes the hair on your neck to raise... I won't make notes nor hope for the for the best. If negative senses are sounding even softly - count me out. I have hoped against hope for the better too many times and been burned. So no more. 

The last year; 2020, has really stunk for bad job experiences, rejection and injustice in my life. Covid cannot get all the glory here. There was a negative event involving a small church, a job, and even a volunteer position that went south. But the common denominator was that I ignored the bad vibes and overt hostilities that existed upon my arrival... took a friendship to mean positive when the mannerisms and general expression in her eyes bothered me upon meeting. But maybe the one strike rule can still apply to all things... one cringe and I call it no thank you. One job application ignored and I won't reapply. Ignored text or phone call with no return and I will delete the number. My energies are limited so my efforts have to be also.

Now I am just plain rambling, perhaps that will be the name of the next country song:"The Rambler." Someone once said: “People with the gift of the gab don't know when to wrap it up." Amen to that.

The one strike rule will be a process for someone like me who is used to struggling with all life activities, and it is me, choosing to struggle less. 

Bailey

A Moodscope member.