After reading Rosemary's wonderfully reassuring blog recently, called "Smile, you're the best you've ever been..."
I remembered something that registered with me at the time and then forgotten.
I'd seen a woman on TV who had learned to embrace the large scar on her body, so that rather than seeing herself as being 'disfigured' she saw the scar as a part of who she is, having been through what she had and healed, a scar to be worn with pride.
It may not work for everyone, or it may take a long time to see things so differently, but it did give me hope that there might be another way to see what pains me, one that feels so much better.
I got to wondering about the equivalent, emotionally.
If I could move from carrying this angry raw wound, to it being an emotional scar, that no longer hurt when it's poked and prodded, just thick scar tissue with no sensation, wouldn't that be great?!
Once again, I've managed to arrange some short term counselling. I've tried it before and haven't managed to get to those deep wounds. I daren't hope after all this time that this could be the beginning of freedom.
Maybe this time, I'll discover what needs to happen.
Maybe I'll emerge having allowed the healing to begin, so that all that remains is the part of me that is as loveable as the rest, the scarring that I can wear with pride, because this time I made it!
I endured the pain until I managed to allow it to be touched. Handled and sealed. Then plenty of time allowed for healing.
Beautiful scars reminding me that I made it.
A Moodscope member.
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