I recently came across a photo of my garden about nine years ago when I first moved in. How bare it looked!

Whenever I mow the lawn, for some reason, it gives me a great sense of satisfaction, and I often go upstairs, look out the bedroom window and see what a good job I've done! This time, having recently found the original photo, I could enjoy the changes I've made over the years: lots of David Austin roses are now planted and have bloomed all summer, the arch I and a friend put in has another rose climbing up at, and nasturtiums at its base, bringing their bright joy. A newly planted clematis Montana is slowly making its way across the new fence my neighbour put in and a honeysuckle is making light work of covering another bit. 

However, this didn't happen by chance, I had to put some hard work into making it happen.

I've recently had to pull myself up and accept that I need to make some changes in my life. Ironically, they are about ensuring I make time for myself, and don't always prioritise other people. This might seem obvious, but I think many of us who have caring responsibilities or are parents, find that after a day of work/caring, there is very little time for ourselves.

This came to a head for me because I arranged to go on holiday with my ex and my two kids. It's an arrangement that has previously been okay the last few years, but this year it really wasn't okay for me and I came back more stressed than when I left. Maybe it was a stupid thing to do but when co-parenting and in order to keep things civil, I went along with it.

When I came back, I'll be honest with you, dear Moodscoper, I was in a bad place. I put on my big girl pants and paid for a session of counselling. The session brought back some painful memories of how I had been treated in the marriage but the counsellor with her wonderful skill pointed out the need for change and to 'rejig' any family arrangements, so that my needs were met and not just those of my kids.

Trying to carve out  what the change will look like takes energy, and a need for introspection on painful feelings that I would prefer to bury, but in order to move forward, I'm going to need to do that work.

Have you ever been challenged to change in a good way? How did you find that challenge? 

Brum Mum

A Moodscope member