Have you ever experienced "unfriending" from either position? I have known both, and neither was pleasant. I was dumped by someone I thought of as the sister I never had. I always made friends easily, but never had one special female friend before. 

Penny and I bonded quickly. Too quickly, but I used to be like that in relationships. I was going through an acrimonious split with a long-term partner, she was divorced with 4 children, in an affair with a married neighbour Rob, himself the father of four. 

We had a lot of interests in common, confided in each other. When my partner ran off with his girlfriend she was there for me. The fact that she was plotting and scheming to get her lover to leave his wife did not matter. I have been the ‘other woman’, no position to judge.

Things became very messy though. She became obsessed, calling his wife and hanging up, snooping. She got the number of my ex's new partner, and rang her. I got blamed. I struggled with her endless changing decisions. One day I was expected to help her end it, agree that he was using her. Then she sought reassurance that he loved her. Every utterance he made was picked over for clues, it was exhausting. 

Then Rob phoned me.He had rung before, if they argued. This time it was very late, and his focus was all about me, paying compliments, asking if I ever got lonely. I said I needed to get to bed which caused some flirty response. He asked me to try matchmaking with Penny and my male chum, so he would not feel guilty for ending it. This was the love of her life talking. 

I wanted to tell her, but knew it would be the end for us. She would either accuse me of lying, as she did when someone said he was a serial cheater, or suspect I was leading him on. I know when you are crazy about someone, nothing will deter you.

I started being more negative about him. She stopped calling, said I no longer understood her. She found another cheerleader.

I occasionally saw her eldest daughter. Rob did leave his wife, but soon left Penny for another. I heard recently that the same daughter died a few years ago. Even had I known at the time I doubt I would have  contacted Penny. The circumstances back then made our friendship impossible, and I would fear getting sucked into her life again. She did the right thing for us both, whatever her reasons.

Val

A Moodscope member