I’m on an emotional Rollercoaster.

No, not in the happy Ronan Keating song style.

It’s more in the style of the organ-soup that happens after a caterpillar moves into the pupal phase and then gets ready to emerge as the Imago – the fully formed and perfect butterfly. Did you know that the caterpillar’s insides reduce down into a type of ‘organ soup’? Then all the bits migrate to where they will be in the adult ‘Imago’ – the fully matured butterfly.

It’s not a fun process.

But it is necessary.

And the result is beautiful.

No more veggies… only nectar.

I remember the joke about two caterpillars munching on either ends of the same leaf… a dark shadow eclipses the Sun momentarily and they both look up. There’s a Butterfly flying overhead, obscuring the light. One caterpillar looks at the other and says, “I’ll tell you one thing for sure – you’ll never get me up in one of those!”

In a fundamental sense, that caterpillar is right. Caterpillars can’t fly. They have to be transformed first – metamorphosed. They probably feel a tummy ache first… or is it butterflies in the tummy?

So, I’m going through a massive metamorphosis. My external and visible support structures have largely failed – certainly enough to be in a critical condition. NHS, nul points. GP especially, nul points. Sadly, church, nul points – and would be getting a negative score if that is possible. Even family doesn’t really know how to handle the crisis – but I wouldn’t hold that against them… it’s all a bit weird.

As for my ‘invisible means of support’ – I’ve got major issues with those too. This (pointless, merciless) cough… ‘nuf said?

But…

Into the void, getting ready for the emergence of something rather different and awesomely beautiful, comes a new tribe. Chief Ambassador this weekend was ‘Brian’.

I’d popped over to Wilton (near Salisbury) to see my good friend Lordi Lord Lord – who just happens to be our coffee-supplier for church. We man-talked our way through 3 hours. It was awesome. It was followed by an hour’s chat later in the day with a neighbour. OMG, men need to talk!

Penny and I have only just begun to sleep again after catching this diabolical ‘100-day Cough,’ and thus, for safety’s sake, I pull over regularly when driving whilst I’m recharging my resilience batteries. I decided to stop off at ‘The Shack’ in Spetisbury to ‘press pause’. Sitting down for a drink in front of the wood-burner (yes, it was still that cold in Dorset last Saturday), I was in a reflective and somewhat lonely space ‘n’ place.

After all, who really knows our hearts? Can anyone share their joy or pain?

Brian, a bullterrier, waddled over and simply sat beside me – like old companions though we’d never met before. If I could have taken him on with me, I would have done. It was the most eloquent encouragement that has never been voiced. Brain ‘said’, “I choose to sit with you, old soul, beside you for a while…” Perfect comfort. Just what the Doctor would have ordered (if I ever get to see one again.)

Anyway, the message from the Universe was, “Just trust… we’ve got you.”

What the caterpillar calls, “The End of the World,” the Sage calls, “The Butterfly.”

Lex

A Moodscope member