There are times when I think I don’t understand my husband at all. This year he had the insensitivity – no, the effrontery – no, the crass stupidity to suggest that we dispose of all our Christmas decorations and start again.

I was so dumbfounded I couldn’t speak for a full minute. Does the man not understand Christmas at all?

Our Christmas decorations come out every year and are full of memories. The basic gold tree decorations, we bought thirty years ago when we were first married. There are decorations that came from my mother when she downsized and could no longer have a big tree in her small apartment. There are no decorations from his parents’ house simply because my sister-in-law took those; they meant more to her than they did my husband. There are decorations that have been given to our daughters by various uncles, aunts and friends. There are decorations from his work and decorations that we have both collected on our various travels. Then there are the pine garlands we drape over the bannisters and rafters; we bought those together in our first year in this house. Each one of these decorations holds memories. Or at least they do for me. My husband is apparently indifferent. As I say, I don’t understand him.

Christmas is surely about building good memories. One of the reasons Christmas is so hard for those who have lost loved ones is that those memories now have a huge hole in them. My mother is 87, and we are cherishing each Christmas we have with her; we are conscious that there cannot be many more.

For each of us with precious memories however, there is someone for whom Christmas is hard. There are no good memories. There are many who wish it didn’t exist at all and who try to ignore it as much as possible, or simply endure it if they can’t ignore it. This year, our church held a “Blue Christmas” service as an alternative to the loud and joyful carol service. It was a time of quiet contemplation. We had people who had been bereaved this year and people who just preferred the quiet. I went myself because I get overwhelmed with all the parties and dinners out with friends. At least I no longer have all the business celebrations of previous years.

Each year, Christmas gifts get harder. My nephews and nieces have all stated that they don’t want presents. They have enough “stuff” they say, and they don’t want more. They don’t even want consumable gifts of chocolate or wine or bath products. I think this is very brave of them. My best friend buys charitable gifts for her parents and sister and has fun choosing a charity that really suits the recipient. Another friend has a family rule that all gifts must be bought in charity shops and cost no more than £5.

However you are preparing for Christmas, I wish you peace and the building of good memories.

Mary

A Moodscope member