Confidence required

Thursday July 25, 2019

Firstly, I would like to start by thanking Valerie who published her "Write that blog" post. Without it I would never have written this piece. You see, I have never thought highly of my writing style, sometimes it makes me physically sick, knowing that I have to write, especially in my job, where I feel I could be scrutinised.

I left school with no GCSE's many years ago, but went on to college a few years after, and following a decade of employment as an administrator, I earned a BSc studying part time and following that, an MSc eight years later.

Highly educated you may say, however that is not the way I feel inside. I seem to need constant reassurance from people to tell me I'm brilliant. I have a decent job, and I run a small business part time, both of which help me to pay my bills and go on trips and holidays. I am a single father of two kids, where again everyone tells me what a great job I am doing.

So why do I feel like there is a gap in my life. Could it be the loss of a child (stillbirth) in 2008, and the fall out with my best friend, and then separation from my children's mother in 2012, and the loss of my father in 2015, and most recently my mother in 2018. All this while keeping a smile on my face and telling people I'm good. Well I am not good at the moment, I just feel like I am existing.

I have so much more to say, but so little space to write in my first blog. I thank you again Valerie, as it has helped to get some of my thoughts on paper and hopefully some help.


A Moodscope member.

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