People on Moodscope and those I meet in my home town emphasize how 'courageous' I am.

It really puzzles me because I have no choice of action. (My husband is suffering with Dementia). I struggle to get my husband in the car or I don't go out. I have to look after him because his current behavior does not merit a care home and we don't have the money to pay for private care.

So what is real courage?

I would call what I do management of a life full of adversity.

My mother was totally deficient in any courage. She would issue dire warnings if I went out of the door. When our first Jack Russell terrier was dying of distemper she went and hid in the hall in order not to see her die. Daddy and I sat and nursed this suffering animal until she died.

I don't know whether my father had courage – he looked after his very sick mother as his drunken father did nothing. My father was in the marines in WW2, but at his age never went near any combat zone. He never went to a dentist as he was terrified.

I have assisted at three road accidents – onlookers said I was very 'brave'. But at the time, I did not think about it – one, where two elderly ladies had knocked an old man off his bike I leapt out of our car, stopped the traffic, stopped the bleeding and got help. Can't see the bravery.

I can only claim one act of REAL courage. In Albany, Western Australia, I was walking up to a museum with my 5 year old grandson, a snake crossed our path. Paranoia is not strong enough a word to describe me and snakes. But I would NOT show fear to the little boy. I said 'It's only a carpet python (only!), it won't hurt us, he's going away through the fence' and on we went.

Faced with a crisis, what do you do? Are you courageous? Does adrenalin overcome fear?

The Gardener

A Moodscope member.