Hello, I have bipolar and I am not a creative genius.

I have imagined saying this when I meet someone to see their reaction but so far I have resisted the temptation.

I have had people say "You are so lucky to have bipolar" because they have read an article that claims there is a link between mood disorder and creativity and genius.

I think I preferred when people were afraid of me.

I am sure there are people who have bipolar who are very creative but there are many people who have bipolar who are not that creative and people who are creative and/or a genius that do not have a mental illness.

There was a study that looked at what comes first the creative talent or the disorder.

For me, I was an average creative person, but when the mania came into my life, I was convinced I was so talented. Nothing had changed except my perception.

People often say they fear taking medications, as they don't want to lose the one thing they have - their creativity.

For me, the truth is I was never creative when high. I thought I was. I was too busy being reckless, I had no time or energy left to be creative.

I had delusions and unrealistic expectations of what I could achieve. I was certain that as soon as I wrote my novel it would be on the bestseller lists and I would be interviewed on chat shows.

My creativity was an illusion. That is the seductive nature of mania. It was only ever a feeling that was never going to make me a wonderful writer.

I can only tell my story. People will have other experiences. The word creative is being the most desirable characteristic so much so that people sometimes apologise if they are not creative.

It has a personal meaning for everyone. Jul in the next blog in this 2 part series will explain about what Creativity means to her.

Leah

A Moodscope member