We took a long weekend in Wales, staying at one of a well-known chain of hotels. The spa and pool were closed, the rooms weren’t serviced, the shower leaked, and when we put our wet towels out to be changed, they just disappeared without replacements. The hot water was luke-warm and the staffing was inadequate for such a big hotel.

Nevertheless, we weren’t disappointed or upset, because we’d read the reviews. We already knew about the staffing levels, the spa, the water and the rest of it. The hotel is cheap for a reason.

On the plus side, the rooms were clean, the staff friendly and the food good. If you ran the water for two minutes or so, it did get hot enough for a shower, and the beds were comfortable. What more did we need?

We mostly get upset when our expectations are not fulfilled, but reality rarely comes up to the expectations we get from watching TV or reading books – or at the least it doesn’t compare with the TV I watch and the books I read. Perhaps some TV is more accurate, you must tell me if so.

On the other hand, reality is rarely as bad as the news: we don’t live in Gaza. We hear about knife crime in the UK, but most of us are lucky enough to live in areas where knife crime is rare. I think we’ve had one murder in my small market town in the past seven years, and that was perpetrated by men from Peterborough. Anything can happen in Peterborough. The most exciting thing that happens around here is houses full of cannabis and arrests for hare coursing. A man who stole 200 chocolate bars made the news in a slow week.

Our own reality is mostly humdrum. Our griefs are domestic. We deal with the deaths of loved ones; we are disappointed and upset by failures and the behaviours of ourselves and others in our circle; we celebrate the small joys of life.

We went to Wales to see our daughter perform in her cheerleading showcase. She is in the “development” team, which means they are all beginners. Our daughter, being small and slight, is a flyer: she’s the one who stands up on the supporting hands of the bases. Yes, she was wobbly, but she didn’t fall, and next year she will have hopefully progressed to the “Game Team.” We were thrilled that she was in the show at all and so proud of her. That was a pure joy.

In his poem “If,” Rudyard Kipling uses the line, “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two imposters just the same;”

We may not have big triumphs or huge disasters in our lives, but what are the big and small griefs for you? What celebrations, disappointments and joys are in your life, and how do you deal with them? Can you treat them just the same? And would we be human if we could?

Mary

A Moodscope member