In September a close friend decided to end our friendship of 14 years. This was precipitated by my expressing concern about how angry she was. This didn't go down well and so despite using the word 'sad' about how she was responding to issues, she took real umbrage with me.

We met as many people do when our children were little and enjoyed many brunches, meet ups for coffee and nights out over the years. She had been there for me when I split up with my husband and I did the same when she left hers.

When someone ends a friendship, there is no choice but to accept that decision. In her words, she wrote that 'she wanted to liberate ourselves from our friendship'.

It would have been easy for me, someone introspective at best and depressed at worst, to take this badly. I was very sad. But I also accepted that maybe it was time to move on. I was struggling with the number of texts which were essentially her expressing anger and frustration with the world and where I just appeared to be the vehicle to express such emotions. 

Actually I had a sense of relief when those abruptly stopped. I no longer felt a sense of obligation to be constantly available as a sympathetic ear. I realised I had not set good enough boundaries, which allowed her to feel able to do this incessantly with no consideration of the impact on me.

It's tricky in that we move in the same social circles. I have now navigated three events in the last few months where she has been present. On one occasion I bought her a drink and asked about her new job. She didn't ask me anything about my life but I can hold my head up that I acted as graciously as I could.

I am surprised that I have not shrivelled up into a small ball, hiding in a corner where I blame myself for being bold enough to challenge some of the dynamics of the relationship. Actually I have reflected on what I have learnt. I haven't blamed myself but looked at whether this friendship had been hanging on by a thread. I felt I had lanced a boil which had been bothering me for months.

The nicest thing a mutual friend said to me was to enjoy friends who appreciate and value me. After all, she said you deserve this.

So when we feel rejected maybe we need to look to those who have not rejected us. Rather than looking at the negative, let's celebrate those who nourish us, love us unconditionally and enjoy our company.

The last few months I found I have not been alone. I have found myself surrounded by others who appreciate my company, whether on a walk or a night out.

Have you ever experienced the end of a friendship and how has it made you feel?

BrumMum

A Moodscope member