Growing Up Mennonite, as my-not-yet- published trilogy is called; meant being beaten as a child and told to shut up. We were not allowed to cry. Yet in the same culture, the german word for weeping is "healing." I always feel better after a big cry, as if I am making up for lost time and fixing the inner child who still needs to bawl. I have also confronted my father and although no acknowledgment or apology was made for the abuse; it was also helpful to stand up to him. I took back my power. 

As a trained counsellor; I have read that to get rid of pain and trauma you have to sit with it. Not to be confused with wallowing or getting stuck in our own suffering, but processing it. 

Lately I have been considering trying to help others by counselling them (gasp). And the negative response from a now former "friend," was:”You have all these problems- who would go to you?" Nice. Really nice. (Not). 

Most people would agree that the best person to help an addict is one who has battled addiction themselves. So how is counselling any different?! My mantra is:"I have been helped- now let me help you." This myth of perfection and flawlessness being the only way to helping others is lost on me. Who better to relate to another but someone who has been there and done that?! 

There is a song in which a line goes:

"Well I went into the enemies camp and I took back what he stole from me..." and then the triumphant: "he's under my feet- he's under my feet-"

Recently my father called me on a holiday to tell me I was a not good enough in some religious aspect, according to him. I hung up the phone. Message not received - access denied. A "gift that is not received stays with the giver," after all. Gift indeed!

General medical practitioners have said the best excercise for the heart is literally reaching down and helping someone else to their feet. Perhaps that is the same way to reclaim our own mental and emotional health. 

I just told a hurting soul:”You will be a bigger mess for a while when you are in the midst of healing." It is not the absence of progress, even if it feels that way. A road over a gas leak has to be torn up to be fixed. I think humans are the same, so bless the mess that is me - and you. It"s still a "take back."

Bailey 

A Moodscope member.