This is a rather different blog for me to send to Moodscope. I am writing on behalf of a dear close friend. I am asking you, wise Moodscopers, for advice or help from those of you who have experienced estrangement from your adult children. Or maybe you are an adult child who has lost contact with your parent? Or perhaps your loved one has managed to regain contact with their adult child?

My friend is hurting. He is separated six years now and admits to himself that he was far from an ideal husband. Their marriage was an unhappy one for all sorts of complicated reasons. But he was a good father, adored his kids and was a hands-on dad. After the marriage break-up, he wasn’t surprised when the kids stayed loyal to their mother and didn’t interact with him. He understood and accepted that. But he hoped, as time passed, his relationship with them would heal and resume. But, sadly, this has not happened. 

There were signs of hope for a while when he met up with one of his adult children on a regular-ish basis. Yes, there was hurt, anger and resentment but they were talking and that’s always a positive, isn’t it? But then, about a year ago, he met his adult children for dinner. While having an honest chat, he told them he was in a new relationship (which started three years after his marriage ended), and he said he would like them to meet his partner and he hoped they could be happy for him. Sadly again, this has not been the case. 

They now do not reply to his texts or messages. There was the odd angry reply for a while but even that has trailed off. His children are both in their 20s. I am encouraging him to keep reaching out, to write them a letter and he is considering this. He has sent them lovely birthday presents and gifted them money and he has received curt acknowledgements. He is patient, I will say that. I would be pulling my hair out! The silence seems so cruel to me. Yes, their parents' marriage break-up was horrible but life sucks sometimes. Yes, he’s in a new relationship but again, life moves on. Doesn’t it?

If only life was simpler. But, for some of us, life is messy and gloopy. So, dear Moodscopers, does he keep on sending texts and emails? Does he write the letter(s)? Does he keep repeating: ‘I am a gobsh*te, I’m sorry but I love you both very much, can we move past this, please?’ 

Is there a better way to reach out and move on?

How do estranged parents and their adult kids let go of the pain and heal their relationship?

Thank you for listening…

Salt water mum x

A Moodscope member