Well today I am in London, seeing my son. Something I would never be able to do if I was depressed and yet it is the very thing that I should be doing no matter what.

It gets me up.

It gets me out.

I have to communicate with others.

I see that there is so much in the world outside my small little safe world that I would hide in, if I was depressed. I will momentarily feel outside myself and thus forget I am depressed – adding light into darkness. I visit places that have changed and moved on e.g. London Kings X station. Life forever changes and intellectually I KNOW I will become human again – to see physical things that change, assists that deeper sense of ongoing change.

When I used to be depressed and even suicidal, I would still do the work that I had committed to doing. It would NOT be easy. I might even have cried behind the scenes, certainly not slept, even thought of suicide, yet for those hours where I am 'on stage' my darkness would be lightened, I would forget my pain while focussing on others.

I believe that much of our recovery is started because we WANT TO recover. Now, that may seem harsh to many and maybe our mind needs to keep us in a neutralised state while we overcome grief? Not loss, despair or sadness - deep grief, where we need to re-adjust.

For me though, I know if I have the courage to keep going out, to keep stepping into fear, to make human contact, to keep working, I will emerge into humanity again.

I also realise there are many other types of mental health issues. I however, only know depression and thus cannot 'see' the blocks and bridges for others.

It can be all too easy to stay 'depressed' and even avoid what is causing our angst – as when there – we can use it as an excuse - a very good excuse, backed up with GP prescriptions.

Now – that para above may have angered some of you and if it did, why is that? Is your subconscious telling you something? Others, who maybe have been courageous in the past or who clearly know it is a chemical thing, will simply let my words wash by. If you did become attached, ask yourself why – as your subconscious knows far more than you do!

As Churchill once said and maybe he said it with the 'black dog' in mind, the inner war as well as the outer war – 'Courage is the start of all change'.

Les

A Moodscope member.