I am far from my home country now, with its cool, colourful autumns, low gray skies and rude people. Here, in Shanghai, there are a lot of rude people too, but there's no Autumn. It's still muggy 33 outside, and the weather is not getting any better.
I was almost home when I heard this familiar song's opening in my headphones.
Every Day by Mujuice.
I remembered the time when this song was oh-so important to me.
Wake up, brush your teeth, wash your face. Look at yourself in the mirror. You are you, that's your face, your lips and your eyes, your body and your pose. Not your depression's, not your father's son's, not unlucky student's, struggling with the non-mutual love and pressure from the family and at school, not your demons'. Yours.
Go to the institute.
Study steadily and conscientiously - and as much, as you can. Remember: People don't know about your demons, and they don't have to. That's not because they are bad; the world is not very good in general; and that's ok, too. We are currently working on making it better. So you should get better, too.
But if no... just get through it, please.
Be simpler and stronger.
Yes, I know - "I am not ok". Don't forget to get lunch. Relax when you have a chance. Take care of yourself, because nobody else will.
It's not your fault that the world is not fair; not your fault that you have it so difficult. It's nobody's fault, actually; and even if it is, there's no sense in pointing fingers. Go on, walk home, listen to music, cry a bit on the way, let it out. Relax. No, you are not a meaningless piece of s**t.
It's getting better, I promise.
But you have to do it every day.
If you wanna get out alive.
I don't count my life by days now and I don't have to remind myself that it's me in the mirror. I am not my demons. I am okay.
But I know what to do if I fall into my old patterns again. And I do know now - it's getting better.
A Moodscope member.