This picture is a sequel to Rowan’s blog on facing unexpected hazards. I was desperate to get to the rim of this volcano, Stromboli, but being asthmatic was concerned about sulphur fumes. But I had my ‘puffer’. Then a man had forgotten his, and was on the point of collapse. I loaned him mine, and got to the top using silk scarves against the fumes. The last week has made me look at my future, a bit like the crater, can I stay teetering on the edge?

I have been here, in Lyon, for two years. I had high expectations. Everything was new, I did not know a soul, and had the naive belief that people who lived in the South had warmer natures. The start was disastrous, luckily a son was with me, The young man who ‘organised’ my move got everything wrong, he was sacked for incompetence the next week. I was the first ever English resident. I did not expect flags, but thought there might be a few words of welcome, and hoping I would be happy. I settled, and have been back to the UK four times, the major factor being the airport paid off. After three months there was the monthly birthday ‘tea’ and cake. There was a man I had never seen before, I asked if he was a new waiter. No, he was the director.

I came full of enthusiasm, improve my French, pronunciation and vocabulary. I was going to study philosophy and the French classics, giving me more to talk about. What a waste, except learning for learning’s sake and exercising my brain, and they were huge gaps in my education. Discussion there is not, although there are a lot of retired teachers. Not being ‘snobby’ but where I was there were quite a few retired shopkeepers and farmers, whereas I expected, being a large city would have a wider range of backgrounds.

A practical problem is keeping up with family and friends. I get very few phone calls. No good saying one gets desperately lonely, I chose this life. Five friends died last year, had not been visitable for two years. Others have stopped driving, or health problems keep them home bound. I have to rely ever more on a daughter, luckily she enjoys the sociability, or just chauffeurs me. The last weeks’ woes have all been with the Internet and extra security needs, these scare me, that I may not even be able to sort planes, and there is no help here.

Visiting 90 year olds need a bit of help. I tentatively suggested a visit, met rather coldly. Then, realism, potential hosts may worry what on earth to do if I have a fall or become seriously ill away from my ‘safety’ net. And trying to see more of my great-grandchildren is so difficult, I feel I won’t get to know them. Action? List all my insurances and people who will ‘get me home’, including, must be thought about, my grave. Anybody else at ‘decision time’? 

The Gardner

A Moodscope member