I do not live alone, I have a partner. I am grateful for that, but if I am honest he is not able to really understand what I am going through. He has his own demons of course, largely related to maintaining his good professional reputation.

It can feel lonely, but there are two old friends who have stuck to me like glue all my life.They often turn up together, uncanny, sensing that I am struggling. Fat Val and Black Dog.

Enjoying brunch at a favourite cafe last week, I watched with mild amusement as a very pretty young woman with elaborate hair and make-up picked at a side salad while her chubbier pal tucked in to a hearty breakfast.

In came FV and the ugly mutt, sat down behind me.

" Makes you feel awful doesn't it, seeing a young attractive girl. You used to get some admiring glances, back in the day" said BD. That had them both chuckling.

"Yes, but she's invisible now" said FV. "Poor sad old dear wants to order an extra side of hash browns, I don't know what's stopping her. No one cares what she weighs, she's just vain and stupid."

Dogs are not allowed in B&M Bargains, so I thought I would be safe in there. At the checkout I was ambushed by 3 boxes of Creme Eggs. One was chocolate orange, another mint, the third - be still my beating heart - Biscoff. A tap on the window, there they were."Get one of each" FV mouthed. "Better still, get 6 of each". I resist.

Back home I remonstrate with the mangy hound."I was very unhappy when I was fat" 

"True, but you are pretty miserable now, plus you feel hungry and think about food all the time"

"Being fat could shorten my life!"

"And that would be bad thing would it? You actually want to drag out this miserable ordeal?" 

He has even taken to joining me in my afternoon nap. Instead of waking feeling better, I now feel ghastly, drained and full of dark fears.

With a bit of luck they will both  get bored, give me some peace. A friend who has lost 2 stone at Slimming World tells me FV and her mates often lurk outside the meeting place, following the members home.

Black Dog will never sit and give paw, but he is not invincible. My own mutts run away when I produce the ear cleaner. BD really hates it when I log into Moodscope. A blog can banish him for days. I can only hope.

Val

A Moodscope member