In Sabah, on the island of Borneo, we went for a walk with a botanist. I asked him if there were snakes, of course. Were people bitten? Yes. Did they die? No. They had wide knowledge of medical plants, and he demonstrated by liquidising some leaves and saying you put that on the bite, all well. Great, but. A snake bites you, identified in your Observer’s book of snakes (if you saw it). Then you get out your Observer’s book of healing trees. You just happen, in your back-pack, to have a pestle and mortar. By that time you have died an agonising death.

In the South of West Australia my husband, son, and his two sons were frolicking in the sea. We needed something from the car, hundred or so steps uphill, I got it, started the descent. Just below me, sunning itself, was a snake about two metres long. Coming up was a family of four, the teen-age boy  bare-foot. I shouted a warning. He banged his sneakers on the step and the beast headed into the undergrowth. The girl, about 7 years old looked scornfully at this old lady, rigid with fear. ‘That won’t hurt you’ she said. Then, as an afterthought, ‘not much’. Quick death? Agonising? No smartphones then.

I wrote this, with another story about a large python in Malaysia, in a spirit of black humour for a writers’ evening. Nobody laughed, screamed or even shivered; used to SOME reaction, perhaps it was my accent. I’ve seen a few pythons. In Langkawi, pure rain forest, we stayed in a luxury hotel, with a fabulous beach. Pythons up to 3 metres long were often around the grounds. When they got bigger, and guests hysterical, the snakes were carted into the jungle, but they came back, like urban foxes, for the goodies thrown out of the kitchens. Would you react with horror? A young friend, absolutely phobic, said when I go on holiday would I tell her and she would choose another continent.

So, what fears have I reacted to, real or fanciful? Slugs, somebody chased me with one, I jumped through a window, open luckily. Leeches, had one on me, screamed and screamed. Wasps and their ilk, allergic. Choking, never eat Parma ham. Deep water, convinced I can see through the water therefore it cannot support me, never conquered. First time children ‘go solo’ on bikes or cars after passing tests. Asking favours. Driving in fog, ice or snow. Heights, especially those viaducts on Italian motorways. Being late. Failing exams. Making faux-pas. Are these personal foibles?

Then there are the ‘big’ ones. Agoraphobia, claustrophobia. Losing your mind. Still, with all the medical progress, all the cancers. Facing old age and dealing with it. Mr G was scared of spiders (common). I was scornful, they can’t hurt you (then I discovered Australia). Fear of flying. Do you put up with your fears? Seek therapy? Or let them affect your life and those around you. 

The Gardener

A Moodscope member