I'm feeling on top of the world at the moment. I have come through my monthly darkness out into the sunshine (the fog has burnt away).
Everything is bright and funny and connected. Synchronicity abounds. Everything and everyone is interesting. I am euphoric as opposed to dysphoric. I have been out walking three days in a row, joined a brand new gym.
When I am in the midst of my monthly depression I have NO energy, no motivation, nothing is funny, nothing is interesting, everything is a struggle, I don't want to go out, I don't want to see friends, I put the landline phone out of earshot, I put my cellphone on vibrate. I feel sad. I feel like a bad wife and mother. (I'm not feeding my kids nutritious meals, my house is not organised enough. My husband will probably leave me soon.) I feel very self conscious. AND, this is very important - when I see friends out and about and they are a little way away I don't have the vitality to smile or wave, I just look through them. please if I have done that to you, know it is my illness, NOT you.
My children make me feel better!! They make me smile, they hug me and kiss me, they amuse me with their funny ways. They are so beautiful. (Maybe that is why God has blessed me with children!)
My husband is my kauri tree, tall, straight, strong, and supportive.
I am hoping that if I take some mild anti-depressants during that bleak time things will be better.
We shall wait and see! :-)
A Moodscope member.
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