So this is a poem I wrote in my early twenties, a long time ago, when mobile phones were like bricks and only rich men in Land Rovers had them.

It's generally stayed in my computer, shared with a few people over the years. Some didn't know how to respond, because it's pretty out there in terms of feelings. But I think you're ready for it. In fact, I think of all the people I could share it with, you lot (or some of you anyway) will get it.

And just so we're clear, I'm proud of this poem, I think it's a great poem (Now, now, let's not carried away, Self-Ed). It's the point where I started to find ways to heal myself after a very difficult time in my teens; and is something I've come back to at points in my life, different lines resonating according to what was going on at the time.

Getting things out on the page can be so useful, can't it? Just one of the ways as I've seen here that we separate out and make sense of our different selves.

Glass Walls of Illusion.

I

I see you and speak

We laugh and we talk

but I'm numb.

I see all the colours

Can touch and be touched

but I'm numb.

The winter of cold.

The desert of soul.

I am numb.

Belief in Him gone.

Belief in what? None

I am numb

I am numb

I am dumb

I am done

You have all the answers.

She has all the answers.

They have all the answers

But me? I am dumb

Either that or I'm numb

And you at your centre

Have love the placenta

And me at my centre

Have hole the conjecture

And outside that space

Are iced walls of face

I am numb.

The passion is buried

The feelings are gone

The greyness is come

I am done

II

Of course you're not done

You hear beats from the drum

The heart is deep, covered

In layers of scum

But you are not numb

And nor are you dumb

It's 'me' that is smothered

by Voices uncovered

Through deep, searching questions of

who is and why was

and when was and what is

But 'I' am not numb

While 'me' is there sobbing

The 'I' is deep, throbbing

A bright, golden glowing

Of sure certain knowing

That life in the cosmos

is bigger and better than

'I' and 'me' or 'thou' and 'thee'

Life is not numb, it's fun

And it's hope & jokes & love & cheers

that keep us going through the years

So keep that in mind

when you're numb

Yes sometimes you feel numb

But you are not numb

The glass is illusion

The 'me' is confusion

And you are not done

You've begun.

A View From The Far Side

A Moodscope member.