Friend or foe?

Tuesday November 15, 2016

Traditionally a fortress is a place of security and safety; a stronghold to protect those within from the invading marauders on the outside, particularly once the drawbridge is pulled up. The 'enemy' can be viewed from the safe vantage point of the ramparts, shot at through arrow slits or doused in boiling oil, if one is that way inclined.

But the fortress of my depression, which has built itself up around me, tends to do just the opposite. The thick impenetrable walls seem to set me apart from the world outside, muffle my senses, trap me in, keeping me distanced from all that's out there to be seen, felt and experienced.

Continuing with the metaphor, I do keep fighting and try so hard to do all that I can to partake in life. I take my battering ram and batter that drawbridge. I go for a run: bam! I go to the gym: bam! I meet with friends: bam! I volunteer twice a week: bam! I work part-time: bam! I sing in a choir: bam! I spend time with my family and my 5 gorgeous, funny, naughty little grandchildren (I'm so lucky to be a young Grannie) bam bam bam!!

These are all things that are recommended for good mental health, but I've just somehow gravitated towards such activities or they're part of my life anyway. Yet somehow it's never enough and I've still had so many days of late where I've not wanted to keep fighting; keep trying; keep living. And I pull the drawbridge up myself.

So yes, the sunlight sometimes shines through the arrow slits, but generally I feel as if I can't ever break out to truly smell, hear and experience a world that isn't muted and dulled. And I can't quite accept either, that perhaps this should be enough.

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


Comments are viewable only by members. Register Now to participate in the discussion.

Already have an account? Login to leave a comment.

There are 29 comments so far.

What is Moodscope?

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. If you’d like to receive these daily posts by email, just sign up to Moodscope now, completely free of charge.

Moodscope is an innovative way for people to treat their own low mood problems using an engaging online tool. Anyone in the world can accurately assess and track daily mood scores over a period of time. We have proved that the very act of measuring, tracking and sharing mood can actually lift it. Join now.

Blog Archive


Posts and comments on the Moodscope blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Moodscope makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this blog or found by following any of the links.

Moodscope will not be liable for any errors or omissions in this information nor for the availability of this information. The owner will not be liable for any losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information.