7 Aug 2020

Have you ever heard that phrase “You will be too much for some people. Those are not your people”. I don't know about you but since these strange times, I have found out who my people are. A tribe of wonderful women who I met at a writing retreat on an island who regularly keep in contact. A group of friends who I met through a sport who also love to socialise and I feel included. All the more important because I moved 500 miles away from established circles of friendship and a relatively good social life to a different country with a totally new vibe, different way of living, work and pretty much everything you can think of. So although this was my decision along with my husband, it was imperative for me that I created new friendships. So I did.

At least I thought I did. We met a group who became a Facebook group to encourage new people into the area to join. We had several social occasions and felt like finally we had arrived, were accepted and had a nice group of friends that we could call on. Previously down South, we had experienced some toxic friendship situations so my antannae is always up. But somehow I let my guard down along the line.

Fast forward to 2020. More time to hyper focus on other issues. A “friend” recently unfriending me, and my husband messaging her to ask why – I couldn't for obvious reasons. I share his photographs as I wanted my other friends (who we don't share) to see what we have been up to. She said that it gave her two lots of stuff she didn't want to see. So I became the “fall guy”, even though everyone else of our mutual friends, including my husband and stepdaughter were “saved”. She didn't have the good grace to message me to just pre-warn me.

Fast forward to the other situation. I mention to another mutual friend that as her daughter is up, it would be nice to meet up if they fancy it – we happened to meet by chance – and they agreed. We all get on and have hung out previously. I said to my friend (the mother) to keep me posted and she agreed. Then I came upon the classic Facebook post from the daughter mentioning about the lovely time that was had between the friend (that had unfriended me) and another couple and her parents – which we weren't invited to. It felt like a total slap in the face. Had I not either seen that, or said anything to them, I wouldn't clearly have thought about it.

What is the solution? I totally focus on those that count and I now know who they are and they aren't those people. Eventually and soon I will get over this. We are soon to be “celebrating” some kind of anniversary with the group and my response will be “Thanks but on this occasion I will pass. I have some Netflix to catch up on”. Might be paraphrased somewhat but you get the picture...


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