Sunday November 10, 2019

My beloved Grandmother died five months ago. She was so much more that just another relation. Granny was my North star, my port in a storm, my cheer-leader, my role model. I could carry on but words can never convey her importance in my life and to my psyche.

Despite the fact she had been slowly deteriorating mentally and physically over the last 10 or so years, like an intricate tapestry losing its detail, her ongoing physical presence was reassuring. Still able to listen and give a response that was always helpful, never judging and always spoken from a position of love. Still able to hold my hand and just be with me, especially when I struggled to be with myself.

I feel the pain now, an ache in my heart area. Something that in some ways I have wished to feel over these past months but haven't been able to, the medication that I take for my mood numbing my feelings and of course protected by the initial denial stage of grief itself. I've not known how best to view this. Caught between knowing that the medication is keeping me well or well-ish but less cognitively sharp than I would like to be.

What I do know is that Granny always said that her strength would live on in me and that she would say that I am doing well. My ability to feel will allow me to heal and pass through this stage and that the feelings of loss now are part of the love then.

Knowing that I can, as we all can, become my own cheer-leader and all I need to do today is get to bed time, put my head on the pillow and sleep, tomorrow is another day.

Catherine G
A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to leave a comment below.


Comments are viewable only by members. Register Now to participate in the discussion.

Already have an account? Login to leave a comment.

There are 24 comments so far.

What is Moodscope?

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. If you’d like to receive these daily posts by email, just sign up to Moodscope now, completely free of charge.

Moodscope is an innovative way for people to treat their own low mood problems using an engaging online tool. Anyone in the world can accurately assess and track daily mood scores over a period of time. We have proved that the very act of measuring, tracking and sharing mood can actually lift it. Join now.

Blog Archive


Posts and comments on the Moodscope blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Moodscope makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this blog or found by following any of the links.

Moodscope will not be liable for any errors or omissions in this information nor for the availability of this information. The owner will not be liable for any losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information.