I have a deeply embarrassing confession to make, I snore. So does my husband, but somehow, it’s more acceptable for men to snore, isn’t it? Our daughters say we sound like a pair of duelling hippopotamuses when we’re asleep. Quite often, at night, my husband has to nudge me, so I roll onto my side and – presumably – don’t snore. I am too polite to do the same to him when his snoring wakes me; I just lie there, being annoyed, until I fall asleep again.

I heard this week about a woman who was complaining of her husband’s snoring. The lady, a widow, to whom she was speaking said, “Yes, my husband’s snoring used to annoy me too, but now I’d love to hear his snoring again, as it would mean he was back with me.”

That got me thinking about all the little annoyances there are in my life which are actually an indication of something good. My elder daughter never seems to put anything in the dishwasher – but I have her living with us, which is a joy. My younger daughter phones at inconvenient times – but that means she likes us enough to phone; not every child has a good relationship with their parents.

There are lots of other things I could reframe in this way. I hate housework but am lucky enough to have a house in the first place. Sometimes the effort of creating menus, looking up recipes and cooking meals gets on top of me, but I am lucky that I have food to cook. I am finding job hunting to be dispiriting, as I have not yet received a job offer, but I am grateful that I am now fit enough to work.

Not everything can be reframed. Being ill is difficult to reframe, even if I was grateful for the sofa I couldn’t leave. Years ago, when I was getting divorced, it felt that the only things for which I could feel grateful were the kindness of friends and the love of my cat. But I was grateful for those things.

Sometimes this kind of outlook, that of being grateful, is dismissed as being a Pollyanna attitude. Perhaps those who dismiss it as so have never read the book. Pollyanna faces real challenges – and when she is ill herself, finds it difficult to be grateful for anything, just as we do.

I know, however, that in the grief of bereavement, many people say, “Everyone has been so kind.” I remember when I was dealing with my late uncle’s affairs and had to contact his bank, they were sympathetic, understanding and very helpful. I was grateful for that. The measure of my grief – and that of my brother and sister – reflected the love we had for our uncle and the love he had for us. We could be grateful for that.

Often it is hard to rise above the annoyances and griefs in life to find reasons for gratitude, but it’s a positive exercise to do. Is there anything you can be grateful for today, behind a surface annoyance or a deeper grief?

Mary

A Moodscope member