Grief is realising you are to blame for the tissue stuck to washed clothes

Grief is knowing you are now responsible for keeping mugs clean

Grief is understanding that only I can re-fill the toilet rolls

Grief is wanting to share a joke and not being able to…..

Grief is…..

Grief is being responsible for walking the dog every day

Grief is knowing the hens rely on you in every way

Grief is accepting I have to put things away

Grief is saying ‘goodnight gorgeous’ anyway

Grief is….

I miss her voice

I miss her laugh

I miss her smile

I miss her touch

I miss her….

Grief is hard and lonely and never-ending

Grief is finding pleasure in doing things alone

Grief is being an I and not an us or a we

Grief is earth shatteringly constant

Grief is……

Grief is knowing you have not only to unload the dishwasher, but load it too and knowing no-one will criticise you for how you put the cutlery in the basket

Grief is all-consuming and remorseless waking you in the night as you sob so loud it disturbs sleep

Grief is stealthy and creeps up behind you as you smile and pay for milk in the shop; catching your breath as inconsolable tears suddenly burst forth…a dam breaking

Grief is knowing this is for life

Grief is…..

I miss her grumbling

I miss her complaining

I miss her demanding and loud

I miss her

Grief is realising the fury once felt when spectacles, wallet, keys were declared ‘lost’ will never surface again

Grief is realising that I have no-one to share those little jokes, those little sayings which made us both laugh

Grief is realising that I will never hear her being loudly opinionated ever again

Grief is unbearable and growing and enveloping me in its clutches

Grief is….

I miss her in more ways than I thought was possible

I miss her with every breath

I miss her

I miss her

And I will not give in to this

I will live my life in honour of her

I will breathe the air, I will soak up the sunshine, I will feel the wet of the rain and the strength of the wind

And I have already had a new tap fitted.

My life is, by degrees, moving on without her in it…..

CMM

A Moodscope member