Well, it's been a rough two weeks.
So – okay – it's been a rough 2016 so far, but the last two weeks have been the worst yet. So bad I can't even begin to tell you about it – and if I can't talk, then you know it's bad.
But – we're all still here. We're all still together and if we can come through this as a family we will be so much stronger for it.
But the experience has been a little like sailing. One moment the sky is blue, the wind is sweet and we're skipping across the waves with a song in our heart and plans for a picnic on the other side of the bay.
The next moment, from nowhere, dark clouds are boiling overhead. A bolt of lightning takes down our mast, a boom of thunder deafens and an icy rain lashes down like a cat-o-nine-tails!
Our little boat faces thirty foot waves. We're driven up a sheer face of water by a vicious wind and then dropped, sickeningly, into the trough on the other side. Then again, and again, and again.
We can only hold onto our boat, hold onto each other and hope desperately we will come out the other side with everyone still on board.
There have been more hugs shared in the past two weeks than for the whole of last year. There has also been sniping; angry words, as we try to cope under the strain.
And, there has been support. When I turned up at church last Sunday and promptly burst into tears, I was swept up, mopped up and prayed with. I bonded with another member of the congregation with whom I had previously only exchanged good mornings; her family is going through bitter times too. We held each other and wept each on the other's shoulder.
There is support from the other side of the world from friends who know they cannot ask for details, yet understand family matters can be complicated and painful, so just offer warmth and care and prayers/warm thoughts. Another dear friend, who I thought I was supporting through his own hard time, turns out to be the one supporting me; someone I can lean on, just as he leans on me.
Other than death or family breakup, I cannot think of anything worse than what we are going through, yet even in these tough times, there are many consolations.
Maybe our mistake is in thinking that life should be easy and without complications. Maybe we should adjust our thinking to accept that normality is hard and any easy times are just a blessed respite.
We can never answer the question "Why?" We do not deserve this pain. But when life is good we are equally undeserving. Life just is.
We'll get through it. We have to. We'll just keep on holding on.
A Moodscope member.