Being selfish has developed a bad press. And yet we use it regularly in mental health matters. For example self-care, self-compassion, self-respect and self-esteem.

If we have poor mental health we are encouraged to look after ourselves. Learning to manage our symptoms means we don’t need to rely on others for so much support. However this can leave us with a major challenge. How do we take care of ourselves and also support others?

I have found the following ideas:

1 Be honest with yourself and those around you.

Do your best not to over-commit to tasks. It’s possible your loved one needs expert care.  Try to find outside help from resources that specialise in home care.

2 Communicate openly.

Have honest conversations with loved ones about your needs. Expressing your thoughts and feelings is crucial for mutual understanding and respect.

3 Set boundaries.

Clearly define your limits and communicate them to others.

4 Develop emotional regulation skills.

Learn to manage your emotions effectively. Differentiation involves being able to soothe yourself without relying excessively on others.

5 Foster interdependence.

Aim for a relationship dynamic where you and your partner can rely on each other while maintaining your distinct selves.

6 Embrace flexibility

Understand that balancing pleasing others and self-care is dynamic. Be willing to adjust as circumstances change.

During my reading on this subject I came across the following passage that seemed a good summary (origin unknown):

“As we learn better self-care, we become better people in general. When we are in touch with our own feelings, we can  reach out more effectively to others and show love and empathy to them also. If we are filling our own emotional tanks with self-respect and loving care, we have much more to give to our families, friends and the world in general.”

You may be wondering why I have written about caring for self/caring for others. Personally I have often found this a dilemma.

I would appreciate your help and advice. For example, how do you reach a balance with your OH in providing care when you need so much self-care? Mary W touched on this challenge when she wrote on 28 August about changing roles within her family.

I would love to hear your advice please.

Teg

A Moodscope member