Christmas. A time of stress in our household when growing up. And yet there were also some good times. I particularly want to remember the good times right now. 

My mother’s family had a tradition which is still followed by my brothers with their children and grand children; everyone receives new slippers at Christmas and on New Year’s Eve the new slippers are left outside the bedroom door, to allow the fairies to fill them with sweeties; the hope is the sweeties will keep the children sweet all year. One Christmas, when I was very young, I received a dolls house; made for me by my maternal uncle. At New Year’s Eve, my new slippers were filled not with sweets, but by dolls house furniture. Made specially for me by the fairies. 

Another good story I remember also involved the fairies; this time I had received a doll’s pram and the fairies sent me doll clothes for the baby doll. 

One other nice memory, was having my family come and stay with me and my (now) civil partner, back I the 1990s. Everyone had agreed to attend; our house was large enough for people to have their own rooms and to be comfortable and warm. And, those of us who did attend seemed to enjoy themselves… but one brother decided instead to emigrate to Canada right at that time, rather than endure another Christmas with my parents. Most Christmas Day dinners were fraught in one way or another. My escape was being left to deal with all the washing up.   

Finding the bright spots among the rest is proving harder than imagined. 

I have also spent Christmases with my civil partner’s family; quite different. Quite extraordinarily wonderful. Although her grandmother, who only ever had a half empty cup, could sour most occasions… and she did her utmost to do so. 

Christmas with my sister-in-law and her family in Hong Kong was a high spot; but despite everything, we were in charge of organising food on Christmas Day… and I recall my dinner of that day being some gravy smeared on my plate as everything else had been consumed before I had time to sit down.  And guess who washed up? 

My intention in writing this, was to try to make some light hearted observations about life and the craziness that is Christmas. In that, I have failed. 

This year, for the first time in several years, we are on our own over Christmas. We have only ourselves to please and only ourselves to hold to account. It has been pleasant. Food has been great. Company has been great. But. There is a growing feeling of unease and discomfort. 

Maybe everything will be different next year. I hope so. As my civil partner sinks into ever more pain, it is an increasing struggle for either of us to even smile. 

My everythings are crossed for a peaceful and calm 2024. For us and for all. Ho. Ho. Ho.  

CMM

A Moodscope member