Well Iceland actually, in June last year. The country, not the shop.
There are times when even the shop would be impossible – I might get there but would probably have to leave halfway round and run for the safety of my car before the panic really set in.
But in June last year my daughter was graduating in Iceland the country. Bless her, she knows I rarely go out if I can avoid it, let alone actually travel abroad. So months before she tentatively mentioned it in passing 'Just in case mum, but it's ok if you don't, really, nobody else's parents are going, it's too far'. Liar, liar, pants on fire! Of course everyone else's parents were going. That's what proud parents do. And I am so proud of my daughter.
So I went to the doctor. Can you help me? I'm scared of anti-depressants (bad reaction in the past) but I need to go to Iceland. I might as well say I need to fly to the moon, it's that impossible. Is there something I can trial to see how they affect me? So she gave me some really mild pills that she promised weren't addictive, and some HRT for good measure and told me to let her know how the trip went.
Well I took the pills, worked on my mindfulness, booked the tickets (amazing how brave and relaxed you can feel sitting on your living room sofa behind a computer isn't it?). The flight was on a Monday. I spent 2 days before in the loo with a nervous stomach. The trip was a mixture of nightmare and elation – nightmare because of the panic attacks I invariably suffered, but elation that I saw my daughter graduate in person. I was there for her and didn't have to hear about it second-hand later.
I was so proud of her. And she was proud of me. Because I did it, I went to the moon!!!
A Moodscope member.
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