René Descartes’ famous saying, “I think, therefore I am,” has become part of our popular culture. “Projection,” however is a lot less well known. It says, in essence, “I project, because of who and what I am, and how I feel.”  But what does this mean?

Rainer Maria Rilke, quoting the Talmud, said, “We do not see the world as it is; we see it as we are.” We see the world through the filters of our own values, experience, feelings, and, bluntly, prejudices. 

I asked ChatGPT the following question, “Explain simply the psychological phenomenon of projection.”

Here is the perceptive and succinct answer:

“Projection is a psychological phenomenon where individuals attribute their own thoughts, feelings, or traits onto others. In simpler terms, it's like unconsciously seeing in others what you don't want to see in yourself. For example, if someone is feeling angry but is unaware or uncomfortable with that emotion, they may project that anger onto someone else and believe that the other person is angry instead. Projection can serve as a defence mechanism, helping people cope with emotions or characteristics they find challenging to acknowledge within themselves.”

I’m sharing this because a colleague who I value highly was projecting a considerable amount onto me the other week, and I was confident enough in my own self-knowledge to know she was ‘seeing’ content and motives that simply weren’t there. She was ‘projecting’ her own thoughts, feelings, and traits onto me.

We have an honest enough relationship for me to be able to point out she was projecting, without fear of long-term offence.  My purpose was to help her enjoy the freedom that comes from deeper self-knowledge without any sense of criticism.

I know about projection because I have mastered the art myself! I’ve been feeling irritable lately and have caught myself saying (to myself), “That irritates me!”  Without hesitation my inner coach answered back, “You find that irritating because YOU are irritable.” I recognised the truth and was instantly in a more resourceful place. I wasn’t the victim of outside forces trying to irritate me; rather, I was irritable and then projecting ‘irritation’ onto others and events.

Boosting our own wellbeing really benefits from being in control of as much as possible. When we realise that we may be feeling cross not because other people are trying to make us cross but rather because we are feeling angry anyway, that’s a moment of regaining choice and control.  You can’t ‘make’ me feel anything – it’s my choice to feel what I choose.

Lest this sound easy, let me reassure you that this takes a lifetime to manage and master… But if you are feeling irritated or angered by someone else this week, just check your projector isn’t switched on! You and I really are not mind-readers and it’s best not to judge the intentions and actions of others as if we were.

Lex

A Moodscope member