"I'm so busy my head is spinning; like a whirlpool that never ends!" OK so that may not be exactly how Tommy Rae sang it, but that's so often how I feel.

I have always been a busy person. As a child and teen I did a different activity each day after school. As a student and in early adulthood this was taken over by socialising: I'd be out every evening and still up and going early at the weekend. These days, my busyness comes from running the household, raising our children and just trying to keep afloat.

Regardless of the activity, my reason for keeping going has always been the same: to justify my existence, my value. When I feel so worthless, being able to point to the friends who have chosen to spend time with me or the jobs I have ticked off my list provides external validation for my existence. It shows my family and friends that I'm worthy of their love, even if I can't bring myself to love me. Or at least that's how it feels.

I was recently talking to my mum about this. She is the busiest person I know and similarly justifies herself by giving huge amounts of her time and energy to others. The combination of nature and nurture will have and largely set me up to be the same. But then mum said something that changed everything: her mum wasn't a busy person at all. My gran was a wonderful and well-loved lady with many friends and a devoted husband. She also loved to spend her evenings on the sofa reading or sewing. No one thought any less of her because she put her feet up after a long day.

And just like that, I burst into tears. A huge wave I emotion (relief? compassion?) washed over me.

I don't have to be this way. I don't have to run myself ragged to prove myself.

It was a huge realisation, and one that I've had to keep coming back to, and keep reaffirming. Yes I still need to do the dishes and the washing, but when I've finished those I'll try not to look for the next "to do" and instead give myself the break and rest I need. It won't make me less worth of love, or less valuable. In fact I might just become a better person for it.

So come and join me on the sofa, put your feet up and let's build our reserves together. We will need them for whatever tomorrow brings. And we are definitely all worth it.

With love

A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.


Comments are viewable only by members. Register Now to participate in the discussion.

Already have an account? Login to leave a comment.

There are 37 comments so far.

What is Moodscope?

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. If you’d like to receive these daily posts by email, just sign up to Moodscope now, completely free of charge.

Moodscope is an innovative way for people to treat their own low mood problems using an engaging online tool. Anyone in the world can accurately assess and track daily mood scores over a period of time. We have proved that the very act of measuring, tracking and sharing mood can actually lift it. Join now.

Blog Archive


Posts and comments on the Moodscope blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice. Moodscope makes no representations as to the accuracy or completeness of any information on this blog or found by following any of the links.

Moodscope will not be liable for any errors or omissions in this information nor for the availability of this information. The owner will not be liable for any losses, injuries, or damages from the display or use of this information.