I’m Worried

23 Aug 2022

This is a request for help. Maybe it’s even a cry for help. Maybe I just want sympathy and understanding.

I’m worried that I’m in mania.

I came out of the last bout of depression on 18th July, and it’s wonderful to be back to normal. This morning, however, a thought struck me: what if this is not normal? What if this is a high? What if this is – already – one of my semi-manic periods preceding a bout of depression?

When I go through on of these periods of hyper-mania, I have boundless energy; I become focussed on projects; I become impatient with others when they don’t agree with me or tell me to slow down; I function on very little sleep.

The last time this happened, I was clearing my Father-in-Law’s house. I wrote “Effortless Perfection” – 25th May – while surrounded by cardboard boxes, bowls of soapy water, mops, cloths and brooms.

Everyone had advised me to hire a professional cleaner for the house, and I’d even gone so far as to get a quote - £750! My Father-in-Law could easily afford it, but I dismissed the idea; not because of the cost, but because I knew I could do a better job myself.

And I did. That house was spotless!

A week later, I was in the world of grey fog, swamping fatigue and a mirage-shifting uncertain reality.

When I look at what’s happening now, I feel a bit worried. I’ve engaged a business coach, because I need to make a bit more money from my work. Garry is fantastic! He’s great at keeping his own eye on the overview – which he knows scares me silly – and giving me bite-sized tasks which I tackle with enthusiasm. Every day and week I’ve achieved these little goals, and I feel tremendously accomplished; I’m buzzing with enthusiasm!

This morning I went swimming for the first time in nearly a year; how wonderful!

The niggle for me is that I became angry with the state of disrepair of the changing room. I was irritated by the lack of lane discipline shown by the other swimmers. I know that when I become energised but irritable and hostile, it’s a bad sign.

I don’t want to be in mania: I don’t want to be facing the next bout of depression so soon. I know the longer the mania, the longer and deeper the following depression.

When I confided my fears to Himself, he replied, “Actually, I was a bit worried about that.” So, now I’m worrying the people dearest to me too.

There’s one bright spark here. Normally, in mania, I cannot see it, and dismiss those who tell me I am. Maybe, because I’m worried about it, it means, ironically, I don’t need to worry?

Have any of you here had any success in controlling your manic periods? If so, what methods have you used?

Because I’m scared, and I really need some help and hope.


A Moodscope member.

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

Email us at support@moodscope.com to submit your own blog post!


You need to be Logged In and a Moodscope Subscriber to Comment and Read Comments