Invitations to peoples' houses

24 Jan 2019

This might appear to some of you as a selfish topic for a blog but it's something which has been bothering me recently.

It's about being invited to peoples' houses for a meal and having to say yes to an invitation but when the day arrives, not wanting to go.

But lately it hasn't just been on the day when we are supposed to go for the meal, but while I'm being asked, I know I don't want to say yes, I know I won't want to go and I know I'll either have to go or will find a lame excuse and then feel guilty.

But should I feel guilty?

I have explained to one friend that I don't like socialising like she does. I told her I admire her for all the drinks etc she invites people to her house for but I couldn't do it and rarely enjoy it. Then what does she do? She rings me up and invites me and my OH to a meal at her house. She went through all the dates in the calendar until eventually I had to agree on one. MY OH works away so chunks of each month are no go socialising areas thank goodness but I can't spin his trips out for ever.

I have another friend/acquaintance to whom I've actually explained I'm not always good company in company and don't really enjoy it and he is always inviting us to join them, even on holiday!

I've actually laid myself on the line revealing my worries and anxieties to the two people who insist on ignoring all I've said.

Truth be known, I'm actually quite a social person given the right circumstances. I like meeting friends for a coffee or a drink but find sitting round a dinner table for hours on end trying not to drink too much, feeling tired and anxious and not being able to leave when I want to, exhausting.

I do wonder whether these invitations are meeting the host's needs more than those they invite. I mean why do they do it? Some of you may say. "To be kind" but I'm not sure. I think some people have a strong need to have people round frequently, to be seen to be entertaining. In that context I feel used but don't know what to do about it which would be socially acceptable.

I've tried to explain how I feel to friends and been quite open and honest about my inadequacies saying it's not them I don't want to see but it's the occasion but they seem to think they know better or ignore it.

How do you get out of an invitation? Is it better to say yes at the time and then make an excuse? I am now committed to go to this person's house in a week or so. I guess I'll go but very reluctantly.


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