I made a small breakthrough the other day.
Things weren't going well.
I was trying to list a piece of furniture and the app on my phone crashed again. Just as I was taking a deep breath to upload all the pictures and text again, I remembered, my car! I left if it on the high street yesterday and should have moved it by 10am! It was raining, so I put on a jacket and headed round the corner and started thinking about how good it would be to find a house with off street parking. Except, in the two months since we decided to get our own place, we can't find a house to rent at all. Oh, but wait, my partner didn't get his contract renewed so he leaves next Wednesday, so maybe now is not the best time for a bigger financial commitment...
I felt a woe list starting. Instead of heading down the spiral, as it's easy to do, something clicked.
I've always felt a little bit of pride about being an intuitive sort of person and living my life that way. Feeling an accumulation of signs leading me this way or that.
I suddenly realized, a series of little wins or losses can be totally unrelated.
If I get a parking ticket, it's my own fault for being parked in the wrong place. It's not an occurrence, specifically designed by a malicious force, to attack me at my lowest moment.
The parking attendant doesn't know that my Dad died last year and since then I've been struggling to cope. The rain doesn't know we can't find a house to rent and the app doesn't know I might be about to get a parking ticket.
It's tempting sometimes to feel that things are out to get you.
But don't be tempted to see a pattern that isn't really there.
A Moodscope member.