Back in June, I lost my Mum. She had been in hospital then a good care home for just under 2 years. During this time, I visited her regularly so she was rarely alone. Mum and I had lived together for ever! However, we led pretty independent lives. I worked full time until I gave up work to care for Mum. So for the last two years I have lived alone. Does it bother me? No! Does it bother other people? Some of them.

I've always been a bit of a loner though I am by no means a recluse. I get out most days, either to go to the gym or go shopping or visiting friends and family. Once I am home, I rarely go out again.

I managed to get away at the end of September for a holiday and as this is the first Christmas on my own, I am going away for a break to cover the whole event!

So, why do I feel guilty? I prefer my own company – I can always keep myself occupied and providing I've got food/drink/television/books/music and warmth then I'm happy. However, there are those people who say, "Oh you shouldn't be on your own" – my reply is "Why?". Back they come with "Well you'll be missing your Mum" and similar comments.

I know the majority of these people mean well, and when I explain that I am better on my own – I can 'grieve' or think about Mum – they understand and often say, "Well if you do want company or fancy a cup of tea or something stronger, you know where we are". How kind, I think. How can we ever tell some people that what they are saying is crass, unnecessary or even painful?

I am looking forward to the Festive season – it will be different, but I will be able to start looking forward.

How are you feeling at the moment? Are you worried or frightened, or are you looking for a challenge? However you feel, your fellow Moodscopers will be there with virtual hugs and lots of love.

Vivien

A Moodscope member