Is it me or why do I feel guilty?

18 Dec 2018

Back in June, I lost my Mum. She had been in hospital then a good care home for just under 2 years. During this time, I visited her regularly so she was rarely alone. Mum and I had lived together for ever! However, we led pretty independent lives. I worked full time until I gave up work to care for Mum. So for the last two years I have lived alone. Does it bother me? No! Does it bother other people? Some of them.

I've always been a bit of a loner though I am by no means a recluse. I get out most days, either to go to the gym or go shopping or visiting friends and family. Once I am home, I rarely go out again.

I managed to get away at the end of September for a holiday and as this is the first Christmas on my own, I am going away for a break to cover the whole event!

So, why do I feel guilty? I prefer my own company – I can always keep myself occupied and providing I've got food/drink/television/books/music and warmth then I'm happy. However, there are those people who say, "Oh you shouldn't be on your own" – my reply is "Why?". Back they come with "Well you'll be missing your Mum" and similar comments.

I know the majority of these people mean well, and when I explain that I am better on my own – I can 'grieve' or think about Mum – they understand and often say, "Well if you do want company or fancy a cup of tea or something stronger, you know where we are". How kind, I think. How can we ever tell some people that what they are saying is crass, unnecessary or even painful?

I am looking forward to the Festive season – it will be different, but I will be able to start looking forward.

How are you feeling at the moment? Are you worried or frightened, or are you looking for a challenge? However you feel, your fellow Moodscopers will be there with virtual hugs and lots of love.


A Moodscope member

Thoughts on the above? Please feel free to post a comment below.

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. Posts and comments on the blog are the personal views of Moodscope members, they are for informational purposes only and do not constitute medical advice.

Email us at to submit your own blog post!


Login or Sign Up to Comment and Read Comments