I think I have written about this before but it’s a subject which occupies my mind a lot.

I wonder if our personalities which are in part hereditary and part as a result of upbringing in the early years, dictate whether we will suffer from mental health problems later in life.

I think and this is my opinion, that we grow up actually fairly happy (if we are lucky) with our family, school etc and it’s only when we reach a certain age, are we aware that our face doesn’t fit or we feel uneasy in a group, work or social setting.

Only then do we begin to question ourselves and our abilities to feel normal.

Anxiety plays a huge part in my health issues and that started when I was young but my real problems begun when I started work after having had children. I found I was unable to conform to what was expected of me even though I worked very hard.

My personality was wrong. I didn’t crack the same office jokes as everyone else and couldn’t laugh when I was expected to. I wasn’t vocal in meetings and was shy basically and not self confident. Even though I produced the work and everyone went to me if they needed something, I wasn’t appreciated or liked. I begun to feel very bad about myself. The seeds of disquiet were sown.

Eventually I developed mental health issues, not severe ones at all but basically I was angry with myself and felt I’d failed. I didn’t fit in and felt awkward in the after work social settings unless I drank copious amounts of alcohol. It wasn’t good.

But now I look back I can see that I was trying to be someone I wasn’t. I did try but I didn’t succeed. I was probably in the wrong job but who has the luxury of choosing a job which suits their personality?

What I am saying is this. Perhaps we are not depressed but just being ourselves and trying to fit into society and what we think, or are told we should be like. It’s a struggle for so many of us.

Mental health is a very complex issue.

Jul

A Moodscope member.