As my 50th year approaches, I find I am both advancing and stagnating in some aspects of life skills and connection with others.

Having just published the third book of the trilogy; Growing Up Mennonite, I experienced such frustration and aggravation during the process. The third book was not the charm; it was fraught with delays, my having to repeat myself to the self publishers about the editing, and more miscommunication. It took twice the time it was scheduled to and I did not like the "bridezilla," I was becoming; angry and irritable and hence; rude to the people I was dealing with.

Upon reflection, I decided it will never be worth the creation of a book or any hobby or project if I end up turning into someone I don't even like! I discovered getting on my own nerves was a real feat - I could not leave! Grrr! Humbug! The old adage: ”Wherever you go thats where you are," came to mind.

So I apologised for my rudeness and mended fences over long distances and the book is finished. In my publishing journey I have found a more suitable self publisher; at a much cheaper rate and with more conscientiousness. They will type and proofread without me having to do all the heavy lifting. But I need a break from my scripting hobby and am taking one.

People and relationships continue to be a struggle for me. I seem to do better with them at a distance but desire closeness as I am not a superficial, phoney person. (Those types I find hard to take). I want companionship except when I don't, it seems that I am a half and half mix of introvert/extrovert.

Writing helps. I am still journaling my journey as I contemplate my people navigation skills. Perhaps that is the title of my next book: When I Grow Up I Want To Be A People Person. Too wordy perhaps. The struggles continue...

Bailey

A Moodscope member