"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." Rumi

How many of us are programmed to look for the reasons we cannot completely let go - to truly trust, and to deal with the outcomes of such a belief?

I'm sure we have all had relationships where for a time we feel so safe and secure, that we can truly be ourselves. We are lost in the acceptance of a lover or friend, that we literally are as one.

Then as time goes on, we start to 'see' things that we did not before. This new 'seeing' opens the door to doubt and once doubt sets in we will start to 'see' other things that then justify our backing out; possibly our ego then starts to take the reins to look after ourselves, rather than nurture the joint relationship.

Much of this will have been 'programmed' from our own childhood and how our parents behaved and also how our relationship was with family and friends.

The old nature v nurture argument has diminished since the 70s with the latest research into genes and how they react; clearly now showing that nurture is by far the greatest dictator of our lives.

It is the situations that we find ourselves in that can switch on or off key gene groups and affect out personality and health.

When we clearly know and understand that the only person we can change is ourselves - it is our responsibility to become wise (win/win - EQ) instead of clever (win/lose - IQ).

Internal barriers that we build to somehow make us safe, in actual fact can make us more brittle and ego driven, when we have to prove we are right - to somehow believe that being right creates more self-esteem. Giving up behaviours which demonstrate the existence of barriers e.g. evasion, procrastination, lashing out, refusal to talk or listen, helps us become more balanced inside which will enable our growth.

We are programmed mostly through Newtonian thinking and our schooling rather than the education of life which shows that there is no black and white - no right and wrong – no simple brittle barriers, simply a world of infinite answers in a life of endless possibilities.

So - can you today start to diminish some of the barriers that this IQ dominated world has enabled you to create and move towards a love and embracing of self.

After all - to find the ideal partner or friendship for you - you have to firstly find the ideal and balanced you.

Les

A Moodscope user.