We are due to move house in 6 days. You'd think I'd be busy packing and sorting. I'm very aware this needs doing and that the panic about the imminent date can only be contained by actually doing something to be ready for it. But, as per the ever helpful manner of an addled mind, I instead seem to be in a state of temporary suspension. I feel like I'm just floating around in the air, drifting aimlessly, looking on at the chaos below but unable to be part of it.
In truth I feel quite overwhelmed. You know that feeling when you know you have so much to do, that it paralyses you into doing absolutely nothing? (Again, thank you brain, for your ironic paradoxes). My motivation, energy and ability to take any sort of productive action are out of my reach.
What's also joyful in this already frustrating situation is that I then feel guilty about not doing all the very many things I should be doing. Frau Should was introduced by a kind Moodscoper recently, and I realised I knew her well. She pops in frequently to feed the negative voices that I'd successfully locked up in a cage for being too loud; she helps them escape, and then they all pick up the sticks I'd forgotten to tidy away, and start beating me for doing nothing; for being such a failure.
It's no wonder all I actually want to do is pack myself into the nearest box and just wait for it all to be over...
What I am managing to do, quite successfully I might add, is mope and flop around, sighing dramatically, crying over every little thing, and claiming, to absolutely no one listening, that I can't do this.
Even as I write I know how absurd this all is. My behaviour is neither helpful, nor does it actually serve any purpose. My claims are simply untrue.
My other half describes this as my "funk" that I get into now and again and I quite like this description. It makes me feel less ridiculous. Perhaps my funk has a bass guitar and hangs out with James Brown, which in fact would make it rather cool.
Whatever it is or does, we just have to wait for it to pass. We both know it will; that I will wake up tomorrow, or the day after, or lets at least hope before we actually move, with a renewed sense of productivity and positivity. We both know that of course everything will get done, and we will move into our new home, and start the next chapter of our lives together. In our inevitably funky house!
A Moodscope member.