I’ve been pretty busy the last few months… organising a Memorial for Jane. Crazily she died over 6 months ago now; where does the time go? Her funeral, at her family’s request, was ‘family only’ and I knew a lot of her friends were upset at not being ‘allowed’ to attend. So a Memorial Celebration in May, often a kind month, in Wales, was a great solution. 

Organising it was almost a full time job. People responded swiftly and with enthusiasm; they would arrange to come from so many distant places  - New York, Portugal, Italy and Sarawak. And of course from all over the UK. What began as an afternoon event blossomed into so much more. I declared my intention to provide food for everyone the evening before and for the afternoon following the Memorial. 

A sister in law protested that it would be ‘too expensive’ I assured her she could do as she chose in similar circumstances; I was opting for generosity. 

Food became all-consuming…gluten free, vegan, keto, pescatarian and all shades in between; no onions, no mushroom… I was so relieved the tomato intolerant ones sent their regrets… I cooked like a mad thing, filling the freezers with all manner of goodies. But was it enough? It was. It easily fed everyone who came and plenty was left to freeze. Especially cake. My current diet is cake and coffee. 

And; it was my intention to hold this up on our land, to have her ashes placed in a lovely plot beside her favourite oak tree. What if it rained? I told people my wet weather plan was ‘we’ll get wet.’ 

Where would they sit? Two huge Leylandii went over in the Red Alert storm before Christmas…mthe tree surgeons cut them into ‘coins’ and carried them a huge distance uphill where they could be sat upon. Leylandii continue oozing sap long months after felling. Felted wool – sent as insulation in boxes of frozen meat and kept as a resource by Jane – placed as a wad over each ‘coin’ and the whole covered in a brightly coloured bin bag solved that problem. Sixty of them! 

How would my poor sister, her mobility poor since her stroke last year, possibly get up there? A friend drove his vehicle where only tractors have gone before. 

It worked. 

Sixty of us gathered on a gloriously dry and sunny evening and ate my carefully prepared food… then met again the next day, and we laughed and cried, told tales and shared memories. We sang; we danced, we placed Jane’s ashes into her final resting place with much reverence and much love. 

And afterwards, although exhausted, I felt lighter, brighter, renewed and reinvigorated. And I felt like myself again after such a long time. 

She was my everything for 47 years. And I was hers. Now, she is at peace and I am learning who I am once again. And Celyn, my dog, helps. 

I do believe I am a work in progress.

CMM

A Moodscope member