I’m going through deep sadness.

In the comments on my previous blog (Stagnation vs Inspiration) I mentioned that I have been hit by a series of bereavements. 

A friend had moved abroad. We arranged to visit in April. The bombshell message arrived. We attended the funeral via a live feed, which was something, but we felt strangely detached. Her widower says he wants us to come, so it will be a visit of support, rather than building fun memories.

A couple of weeks ago ’T’ one of my closest friends called. We live miles apart. We were due to visit in a few days. I answer. Her son has died. I have known him since he was a bump, and I consider him a nephew. I wailed at the futility and the pain. The trip was one of support and love. We hugged and hugged again. I was so much sadder at this death than I was for my own mother.  

Mum had a wonderful life, and at 93, with full mental capacity, was diagnosed with advanced cancer. She wanted palliative care. I was with Mum at the end. I was both sad and relieved. She had had enough. 

Still away at T’s house, ‘R’, a very dear friend from home tells me that his beautiful wife of 50 years has died. My heart stops for a moment in sheer disbelief. I sat with the knowledge that I will never again eat at her dinner table and leave with arms overflowing with ‘going home treats’. I wont hear her stories again. I wont feel her love. We tell R that we will catch up when home. Many messages, both practical and emotional fly between us.

Our trip continues with a cultural festival with friends. Poets, comedians, musicians, food, beer and late nights. I really need this. Then another good friend tells me her mother (late 90’s with very advanced dementia) has died. And I feel relief. My friend gave up her career to care for her mother with such love and devotion. No holidays or even weekends away. Of course my friend is sad, but in time she will realise that she gave her mother the best possible end.

So what is the physical part of this blog? Well, I have come down with a yucky lurgy, causing me to delay seeing ‘R’ and hugging him, and to miss a couple of birthday parties I was looking forward to. And I know I got this bug because I was so drained and sad, my emotional resources depleted, that I was susceptible to illness. But did I listen to my body? Nope. I continued with the late nights and beer and making the most of every minute, whilst supporting my friends in their losses.

This experience has hit home the close correlation between mental and physical heath. When we get bad news, we need to apply self care not just mentally, but also physically - nutritious food, exercise and enough sleep. Are there other Moodscopers who struggle to hit the Pause button?  Any tips on self care?

Susannah

A Moodscope member