Well the season has reached its peak. Christmas day is of course a little more memorable than other randomly plucked Tuesdays but, essentially, it is just Tuesday. It might be a day we give ourselves permission to eat or drink something slightly inappropriate at a random time of day. My mind has just catapulted back into being seven, wearing a nightie, with something brand new in my hand and feeling like the biggest man in the room to be eating (with gay abandon) the contents of a selection box, and without permission sought or given. Oh that celebration of rebellion!
Christmas itself is here. It may have arrived inside a grey truck full of weight, guilt and worry. Or it may have arrived on a polar express of twinkling lights and choral sounds. For me, both! Either way, it is here. There are elements I love. The silence of the house last thing on Christmas Eve when my young-adults-who-will-be-forever-my-little-ones are breathing quietly, perhaps asleep, perhaps not, and I lay out surprises (because Santa is real and real he will stay under this roof).
As I meet the door that is Christmas day I know it is, for me, a day to 'get through'. For all kinds of reasons. I search in my soul to see if I can feel the presence of those not here. If I can't, I look at their special ornament on our tree, my way of keeping them close. I think of you people, often pulling on a mask a bit like mine, some genuine moments of delight through the day and some genuine moments of "where is my hiding cupboard".
However, and wherever, you are this Christmas day know this, you are not alone. Never alone. We know, we nod, we don't even need to speak, we know. Use the blog to your advantage, say the things you cannot utter to another living sole, release them, or use it to leave a note of support to another. Things do not matter, feelings and memories matter. However this time feels for you, in a day or so it will be just a memory and you can decide now how you wish that memory to be. Take a little step back, know that you made it to this point and know that we can get to the next point together. Stay close. Moodscope is our stable. There is room. And nobody is turned away.
Sending warm wishes through the ether to you and yours from this fairy-lit room above the garage.
The Room Above the Garage
A Moodscope member.