The following is a very personal note from my heart, to someone who will never see it!
I wrote it because I'm finally heading towards a closure that I've needed to find for a very long time. The person has created many different emotions in me over the years, and I can now see how much I have learned (and possibly will continue to learn) from their actions. If Mum and Dad were alive I know they would be pleased to see me beginning to let go and move on.
I believe this person has taught me much, and so I'd like to turn my anxieties, bitterness and feelings of worthlessness into being thankful for the lessons they have taught me ...without them even realising it.
I thank you for allowing me to search out the healing gift of forgiveness
For enabling me to learn how to let go of all the times you made me cry
I thank you for teaching me I no longer need to hide until you have gone
And thank you for giving me the strength needed to no longer feel small and unworthy
I thank you for reminding me people don't always stay the same
And for teaching me that bitterness is futile and pointless
I thank you for reminding me that my health is not determined by your actions
And for showing me how paranoia can destroy ones soul
I thank you for the memories of when you were the way you were
The person I so loved and looked up to with all my heart
I thank you for the memories so ingrained in my very soul...
...of your support, your jokes, your smile and your laughter
I thank you for making me see clearly when the changes started
And for showing me; through your actions, when cracks began to appear
I thank you for behaving in a way that removes you from the person you were
And in so doing reminding me that you don't have to love someone unconditionally
I hope that one day you too will learn the gift of forgiveness
And that you eventually learn to forgive yourself
I hope you can learn that we create our own consequences
And that you begin the long and sometimes painful process needed
...to forgive yourself for the years of blame you pointed toward others
In that forgiveness I truly hope you find light and happiness
And I hope you find a way to fully, open your heart.
And that you are finally able to find a true and lasting congruence that helps you heal;
...to heal your body and soul; scarred by your false ideas and misguided beliefs
Despite our new reality I will always love who you were,
I just no longer like who you have become.
A Moodscope member.
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